Come chat with us in IRC!

Come in and shoot the shit at #ReviveDC on!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Virtua Athlete 2000 Review

Original release:
No one cared about this game enough to make note of its release date, and for good reason. It's known in PAL and NTSC-J territories as Virtua Athlete 2K.

Game details:
1-4 players
VMU compatible
Jump Pack compatible
Standard controller
Arcade stick
VGA box

Where do I begin? First off, Shit Pilots has been surpassed. If failure was a competition, this game would take top honors. There's nothing likable about this game. It's basically an interactive cut scene with the worst controls ever. Most of the events consist of tapping A and X as quickly as you can and then using the B button to execute some action. Holding the controller normally is out. You'll have to hold it sideways to quickly tap those two buttons and then pray that you can hit the B button without screwing everything up. This is impossible. It may be easier with an arcade stick, which is a control option, but I don't think anyone ran out to buy one to deal with this despicable piece of shit of a game. Did none of the people working on the game stop and think "hey, we could map these to the triggers instead so that it's a bit more fun?" Apparently the answer is no, and that's why the Holocaust happened. No one questioned anything until it was too late. For the record, this game was made by the people that did Virtua Tennis. What the hell happened?

I now believe this game was solely responsible for the failure of the Dreamcast.

This game indeed has graphics. They suck, just like the "gameplay." If you're making a game that consists of tapping two buttons back and forth, couldn't you probably put some more work into one other aspect?

This game also has sound. The sound also sucks. You'll want to stab yourself every time you hear the tutorial music.

Fuck this game. But hey, Nintendo can learn something from Sega here; give your fans games, even if they suck. Nintendo is still holding back The Last Story for US release but Sega was kind enough to give us this. I'm pretty positive that this game didn't carry the 2K banner in the US because they didn't want their headquarters to be overtaken by an angry mob who thought the game would be decent after the other excellent sports games under this banner.

A 0.5 rating indicates that the game makes it past the title screen and displays images on your TV.


  1. LMAO that was a great review and I am sorry I ripped it for you to test but it hadn't been done yet and it took some of my free time instead of beating off eating cheeto's.

  2. Dreamcast is always a good substitute for beating

  3. Lmao beating off and eating cheetos, what would the wife think? :D